Winter Break

Family secrets and hidden desires come to the surface when Tom agrees to come home for the holidays. 15,664 words

Chapter 1

Tom pulled his large suitcase off the luggage turnstile and headed toward the automatic doors. He was exhausted and his patience was on its last frayed string. Children ran past him screaming and giggling, people stood around and watched, travel weary. Tom wondered silently if running them over with his giant rolling home in a bag would do them any harm. But they were out of his sight before he could find out. He pushed his way through the crowds of people waiting for their bags and as the doors opened cold air hit him hard, nearly knocking the air out of his lungs. It would not be the first time, or the last, that he wondered if spending his entire holiday break in Boston was a good idea. 

The honk of a horn caught Tom’s attention and he looked in the direction it had come from. He recognized his mother’s SUV immediately and smiled. She hugged him hard, holding on to him long enough for the airport police to request they move along. The heat was blasting inside the car and Tom knew this was for his own benefit. California had made him forget what it was like to be cold. That was just one of the many excuses Tom had tried to use when his mother begged him to spend his winter break at home.

“I am so glad you’re here Tommy.” She was smiling ear to ear. It made Tom feel warm inside. 

His mother still lived in the house where Tom grew up, so when they pulled into the driveway of the two story craftsman with the white trim all his memories came rushing back to him. Learning to ride a bike. Falling a lot. His first broken bone. His first broken heart. They all happened here. 

“The others should be here in the next few hours. The weather is making the drive a little longer than usual,” his mother told him as they stepped inside the house. Tom was the only one of the kids who went West. His other siblings stayed around the area, New York, Pennsylvania, Ohio. They were all driving in for Thanksgiving. With their families. Well, except his half brother Danny. Who was still single. “Sorry, you are going to have to share your room with Danny,” she continued. “We just don’t have enough room for everyone anymore.”

Tom’s heart jumped for a beat. Danny. His mother’s surprise. Tom was twelve when his mother brought Danny to the house and told he and his sisters that he was their brother. Why she had to be the one to tell them Tom still didn’t know. Danny was two years older than Tom and the child of Tom’s father and a woman that he’d had an affair with, fourteen years prior, as the math goes. Tom’s mother agreed to raise Danny when his mother died of cancer. Tom still admires her for that. And while Tom’s mother was happy to raise a house full of children, she had zero interest in continuing to raise her cheating husband, and kicked him out pretty soon after Danny’s arrival.

Tom pulled his giant suitcase up a flight of stairs and carried it over the worn carpet toward his old room. His heart did another backflip as he stepped over the threshold and remembered the small space, with the trophies for varying sports feats and academic achievements. “Never believe the stereotypes.” He remembered saying to his mother when he came out to her at seventeen, making her question everything she knew about what being gay meant. 

The bed looked smaller than he remembered. Maybe it was because now he was being asked to share it with Danny. New memories flashed by his vision and he pushed those aside. Those he needed to keep hidden. Those he needed to suppress, now more than ever.

Tom’s oldest sister Allison was the first to arrive. She looked like she had been through hell, Tom supposed driving eight hours with two kids under five and a husband with a penchant for random facts about random places would do that to a person. Amy, the second oldest, arrived with her family in tow, looking in about as good of shape as Allison had. Despite only having the one child who was ten. Melissa arrived shortly after with her husband and their dogs, whom they referred to as their ‘instead of’ children. The house was abuzz with activity. Tom entertained his nieces and nephews, a job he was suited greatly for. And although he enjoyed his time with them, he knew this was just an excuse to not sit by the door waiting for Danny walk through it.

It was long past bedtime and Tom had climbed under the covers in his footy pajamas he was glad he packed despite feeling like a child in them. He was considering putting on his winter coat as well. The house was warm, but the winter nights were too wintery for Tom’s liking. He had forgotten how quickly the lack of sun turned everything to a deep chill. He was lying still under several blankets and covers trying to will himself warm when he heard the squeak of the door opening. He sat up to see who had come in, knowing the answer before he saw him.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to wake you,” Danny whispered.

“You didn’t,” Tom whispered in response.

Tom tried not to stare as Danny quietly set his bags down, grabbed a set of pajamas and disappeared again. 

“How was the drive?” Tom asked when Danny slid carefully into bed next to him. 

“Long,” Danny answered. “It snowed the whole way. Damn, Tommy how many blankets are on here?”

Tom shrugged, though he knew Danny couldn’t actually see him. “Sorry, I forgot how to be cold.”

Danny laughed and peeled back three blankets, covering himself with the fourth. “Well you’re going to have to relearn because it’s going to be a cold winter.”

Tom laid still, listening to Danny’s steady breathing next to him. He held on to the blankets over him, reminding himself to stay on his own side. When he woke up in the morning he was roasting. He threw the covers off and sat up quicker than he meant to. 

“What the hell are you wearing?” Danny’s sleepy morning voice came from behind him.

“The warmest thing I had.” Tom defended his choice of sleepwear. 

“It’s good to see you Tommy.”

Tom turned toward Danny and everything rushed back into place. He had hoped the time away would change him. Change the feelings he had, since the day Danny turned up in his life. But it hadn’t. If anything time and distance had made the feelings stronger. He took a deep breath and did what he had taught himself to do for many years. Suppress. “You too, Danny,” he said with a smile and what he hoped was brotherly love.

By the time Tom made his way into the kitchen it looked like a tornado had ran through it. Thankfully the coffee pot was still in tact, and had what looked like just enough for one full cup still warming in it.

“That better not be the last cup.” Danny’s voice rang through the room. Tom was going to have to remember how to not react to hearing it. 

“Here, this one’s for you,” Tom said as he poured the liquid into a mug, smiling at Danny like he was being the best brother ever. In truth Tom was glad to make a new pot, and have the first mug of it.

“Did you eat?” Danny asked as Tom made a new pot of coffee for himself.

“Not yet.”

“Eggs? Toast? What do you California people eat? I don’t think we have any tofu here,” Danny joked as he rifled through the fridge.

Tom gave him a playful nudge with his hip. “I didn’t move out of the country Danny, just across it.”

“How does it feel to be a college graduate?” Danny asked. 

“Weird,” Tom admitted. “I keep thinking there’s something I am forgetting to do. Some paper I forgot to write.”

“You’ll get over that quickly,” Danny assured him.

“How’s Wall Street?” Tom barely looked in Danny’s direction, but this time it was because he was waiting for the coffee to brew, not because he couldn’t bear to. 

“Brutal, but challenging,” Danny answered.

The sounds of the coffee dripping into the carafe, the eggs sizzling in the pan, and the toaster timer ticking filled the room as the boys went silent. 

“Have you met anyone?” Danny asked after a few seconds. “Any boys I need to keep in line for you?”

Danny was the only sibling who used the proper nouns when speaking about Tom’s potential love interests. Everyone else pretended that if they didn’t specify the gender it would change the conversation. Tom smiled and shook his head no. Danny did not press the conversation further. There were moments when Tom wondered if Danny knew how he felt about him. It sent panicked alarms through him to think that his carefully guarded secret was not so secret after all. But if Danny was aware, he never let on, even now.

“What about you?” Tom asked, pouring coffee into a mug and doing his best not to burn his mouth as he took the first sip. Always his favorite.

“Nope.”

Tom was not prepared for how relieved he’d feel at Danny’s answer. He took another sip of hot liquid and hoped his flushed face would be covered by the mug. 

They ate breakfast together, sitting at the small table in the kitchen rather than going into the main dining room. The sounds of laughter and screaming and barking could be heard in the living room. 

“Is it me or does it seem to get more chaotic each year?” Danny asked as the noise heightened around them.

“Pretty sure it’s getting worse. Mom loves it though.”

When they had both been sufficiently caffeinated and full of eggs and toast, Danny and Tom headed into the family room to join the fray of people gathered there.

“Good morning!” Their mother greeted them with joy. She never wavered in her love for her children. Even the ones that weren’t her own. She had raised Danny, a scared teenager, and given him so much love and support that he had turned into the strong, confident man standing in front of them now. She hugged Danny with the same love and warmth as she had Tom the day before. It was because of this that Tom knew he was going to be okay. Every time he wondered if he’d ever have children, he knew that it was possible to raise a child with love, no matter the circumstance.

By the time the sun set and another cold night was upon them Tom had helped his mother decorate the house with Christmas lights, Danny and the brothers in laws had put up the tree, Tom had helped his nephews put together a third of the giant Star Wars Lego set they had brought with them, they had eaten three giant meals, and Tom was exhausted. He changed into his warm footy pajamas and sat down on the bed waiting for Danny to join him. 

“I’m not ever going to find those not funny,” Danny teased as he sat down on the bed next to Tom.

“Thanks?” Tom retorted. 

Danny half smiled and went silent. Tom let himself take a long look at his half brother, recording each image to memory, again. Danny’s dark eyes were warm and soulful, his lips looked soft and inviting, his arms were long and muscular and perfect for hugging or cuddling…Tom made himself stop there.

“Is this hard for you?” Danny spoke so softly Tom almost didn’t hear him. 

“What?” Tom asked.

“Sleeping in the same bed. With me.”

Tom’s heart beat in his ears and everything inside him fell to pieces. Panic threatened to take over. He wanted to scream, and cry, and run away. But as he looked up and caught a glimpse at Danny’s eyes he did not see an ounce of fear, or judgment, or anything but the same love, admiration and curiosity that had always been a part of him. 

“A little.” Tom told the truth.

“I can find somewhere else to sleep.” Danny’s suggestion was as equally nonjudgmental and even keeled as his question had been.

That set Tom’s already panicked state further into a spiral. “No!” He screamed it before he could stop himself. “No,” he said calmly. “I’m good.”

“How long have you known?” Tom asked after a long bout of silence. 

“I always suspected, but I knew for sure when I saw you in June. The way your face lit up when you looked at me. I had hoped being apart would change things, but I knew they it hadn’t.”

“Me too,” Tom said, looking away. “That’s why I left. And why I chose L.A.”

Tears threatened to fall and a knot formed at the base of his throat. Danny sat up and moved closer. This did not help. And when he felt Danny’s arms wrap around him he lost complete control. All the things he knew were wrong about how he felt scrambled to the surface. And all of it came pouring out at once. For the first time since he left home he let it.

Danny held Tom as he continued to let his emotions take over. He stayed silent, letting Tom cry out whatever it was he need to feel. As Tom’s breathing began to steady and the tears had stopped falling Danny pulled him up to face him. 

“You want to talk about it?” Danny suggested.

Tom nodded despite himself. No, he really did not want to talk about it, but he feared that any more suppression and denial and he’d have to be taken to a mental hospital. 

Danny waited patiently as Tom sat silently in front of him finding his words.

“I have thought about this for so long it has become like a movie of someone else’s life. Everything I have done over the past several years is because of you. Coming out, leaving Boston, staying single,” he said the last part under his breath. 

“I made you gay?” Danny tried to lighten the mood.

Tom stifled a laugh. “No but you confirmed what I already knew about myself. From the moment mom brought you home and explained that you were our brother I knew two things for certain. I was definitely gay and I was going to have to get really good at keeping secrets.”

“I’m sorry,” Danny always apologized, and he always meant it. 

Tom wrapped his hand around Danny’s wrist. “I didn’t say it was your fault. I made those choices, and I live with them.”

“Is that what the crying was about? You think you made wrong choices?”

Tom shook his head. “Years and years of suppression and guilt, that’s what that was.”

“Are you done with that now? Because I don’t know if I can stand to see you in that much pain, ever again.”

Tom let his hand fall from Danny’s wrist. “I don’t know. This is helping, talking about it, getting it out in the open. But it’s still what it is. No amount of talking is going to change the fact that we share the same blood and last time I checked you were not even a little bit gay.”

“Everyone is at least a little bit gay, Tommy.”

Tom tried not to let those words give him hope. He could not lose focus on the real truth. They shared DNA, there wasn’t anything either of them could do to change that. 

“You know I would do anything for you Tommy,” Danny broke the silence. “If I thought it would help you, I would let you do whatever you wanted. But I think, if anything, it will cause new problems we’re not ready for. So for now, we sleep. OK?”

Tom could not deny that he was exhausted. He had spent his energy crying out ten years of emotions he would never let himself feel. Danny laid back against his pillow and pulled Tom down next to him. Tom’s eyes were heavy but his mind was still racing. Danny wrapped his arms around Tom’s waist and pulled him closer. 

“I did not say no. I just have concerns. And not the ones you think,” Danny whispered into Tom’s ear. 

“K.” It was all Tom could think to say.

By the time the sun woke them up the next morning Tom had kicked all of the blankets off of the bed. He was still wrapped in Danny’s arms, which was probably why he felt so warm. 

“I might have to rethink the footy pajamas,” Tom said out loud. 

“Just admit it. I’m hot,” Danny teased.

“Don’t let it get to your head,” Tom teased back. He sat up and turned to face Danny who was still lounging against his pillow. “For the longest time I thought that having you know how I feel would end in disaster. I thought. That you would be mad at me. That you would think I was disgusting. That you would never want to be near me again. Thank you for not doing any of those things.”

Danny sat up and closed the space between them. “I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you sooner. I wanted you to go to school, live life. Maybe I hoped you would meet someone and we wouldn’t have to talk about it. I don’t ever want you to feel the way you did last night. Promise me, that from now you talk to me, no matter what.”

“I promise,” Tom answered, and he meant it. 

Chapter 2

The thing that Tom liked least about coming home after four years of college was the obligation he felt to reconnect with friends who had stayed back in Boston to either start their lives or go to college there. His friends were a mixture of the two. At some point he would have to make time to visit the ones that had started families, but tonight he was headed to a bar near Boston College, where a few of his friends were anxiously waiting for him to tell them all about his California adventures. If they were looking for tales of him bedding beach bodied surfer dudes or secretly sexing up a closeted actor they were going to be disappointed. All Tom did in college was study. And while UCLA had its share of both beach bodied surfer dudes and wannabe actors, he did not attempt bed any of them. 

There was one thing about the night that had Tom in good spirits. Danny had agreed to come along. So when they entered the small college dive bar he did not have to put on a fake smile and pretend to be happy to be there. 

The questioning began the moment Tom sat down. He hadn’t even had a sip of beer before Meghan started in on him.

“Were you at the beach every day? How hot were the guys there? How much ass did you get?”

“Jesus Meghan let the boy sit down,” Andy tried to rescue him. 

“You have both known me long enough to know I didn’t go to the beach,” Tom answered once he was seated on a small wood chair at a small round table. He wondered if the chair was going to hold him, it was wobbly even in his sober state. And the table was entirely too small for the amount of alcohol he was going to need to get through this evening.

Danny returned with a pitcher of beer and sat opposite Tom. In a way Tom found this disappointing, but he would soon come to enjoy having Danny’s expressive eyes looking back at him as he discussed his time in Los Angeles. Of course Danny knew the stories already. But he was just as enthralled in them, as if he was hearing them for the first time. Andy and Meghan nodded and laughed in all the proper places, but Tom could tell they were looking for much more than he was able to give them. 

“OK so before this evening is over, we find you a man,” Meghan announced after Tom had finished his short tale of UCLA life. 

Tom shook his head in protest. “I’m not going to be in town long enough for that.”

“Who said anything about long term?” Andy quipped.

Tom downed a third mug of beer and poured himself another. He knew exactly how much alcohol it would take to render him unable to follow through on the plans Andy and Meghan had for him. He had found out once, when the one time he ventured in to a frat party turned out to be the biggest mistake he made in all four years on campus and that included getting lost on his first day and showing up to his first class halfway through the lecture. 

He would not have to resort to that tonight. Danny, ever the big brother, especially under the watchful eyes of their friends, stepped up and put an end to the matchmaking plans by telling the girls that he was planning on stealing Tom away to New York for a while and promising them he would take up the mantle of finding Tom a nice suitable boy toy in the Big Apple. A small pang in Tom’s heart wished that was true. 

Despite not having to drink a hundred beers, Tom was well plastered by the time he and Danny made their way back to Danny’s car. 

“You did this on purpose,” Danny teased as he guided Tom toward the passenger’s side, his arm around Tom’s waist keeping him upright.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tom slurred as he fell into the seat. He held his breath as Danny leaned over him and buckled his seatbelt for him. Danny’s musky cologne and sweet breath made Tom dizzier than the beer had. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the seat and hoped the feeling would go away. Though he knew it wouldn’t.

Tom must have fallen asleep, or passed out, or both, because the next thing he felt was Danny’s gentle push on his shoulder and the faint “We’re home,” as he tried to get Tom to wake up.

“You’re seriously going to have to sober up enough to walk your own ass into the house and up those stairs,” Danny whispered as they made their way up the driveway toward the house. “I have not been able to carry you since you were fifteen.”

A rush of images ran through Tom’s mind as he tried to take in the cool air and get himself upright enough to make it to his room. Their room. His room. Whatever. Tom was fifteen and Danny was seventeen. Tom had broken his ankle trying to do a skateboard trick. Danny felt responsible for the accident, he knew Tom was trying to impress him. So Danny took it on himself to take extra care of Tom as he healed. That included carrying Tom up the stairs to his bedroom on more than one occasion. The memory shook him into enough sobriety to clumsily make it up the stairs. 

“If you want to sleep in your clothes that’s okay with me but you are going to have to make room for me to sleep here too,” Danny kicked Tom’s foot. Tom had tripped through the door and fallen face first onto the bed. 

Tom moaned as he sat up and attempted to remove his jacket. A task that proved difficult. Danny shook his head and stood in front of Tom, grabbing a sleeve of the jacket and pulling it off on arm, then the other. He tossed the jacket aside and kneeled in front of Tom.

“I am going to do this, because, I don’t know, because it’s what I do, I take care of you,” Danny whispered as he pulled Tom’s sweater over his head. “Maybe you won’t remember it in the morning. Maybe that’s my hope.” He left Tom’s t-shirt on and went to work on his boots. Untying and pulling them off one at a time. Tom sat quietly, watching Danny undress him. Somewhere in his stupor he knew this was not how he saw this scene playing out. He tried to commit it to memory.

Danny’s fingers reached for the button on Tom’s jeans. This was getting to be too much. Tom grabbed Danny’s wrists and pulled them away. “I can do it.”

“I know you can, I am going to do it anyway,” Danny whispered and went back to unbuttoning and unzipping Tom’s fly. 

Sitting on the edge of the bed in his boxers and t-shirt with Danny on his knees in between his legs was definitely something Tom had fantasized about over the years. But here in the reality it scared the hell out of him. But his reality was blurred by alcohol and a need he had been pushing away for years. In a flash of bravery he sat forward and pressed his lips against Danny’s.

Danny did not pull away. Instead, he waited to see where Tom was going with it. Tom let his liquid courage drive him forward, pressing harder with his lips, opening Danny’s mouth with his tongue. Danny let him. And followed him into a deep passionate kiss.

Tom sat back and tried to steady his breathing. “I have to pee,” he said suddenly, standing up too quickly and nearly falling over. He staggered his way to the bathroom. He really did need to pee. Before returning to his room Tom splashed cold water over his face and told himself that was enough, it had to be enough. Everything else he’d regret.

Danny was sitting at the edge of the bed when Tom returned to the room. “I’m sorry I ran off, I really did need to pee,” Tom told him. He walked toward his side of the bed and sat down.

“I was worried it wasn’t as good as you’d hoped.” There was a tinge of hurt in Danny’s voice.

Tom’s heart sank. “It was better,” Tom assured him.

Danny climbed into bed next to Tom and they laid back to back. Even though the room was spinning and his head was cloudy Tom could not fall asleep. He was not sure how long he had laid awake before he decided to make his move.

Danny’s breathing was steady but not consistent which told Tom he was still awake. He turned over onto his other side. The one that meant he was facing Danny’s back. He carefully wrapped his fingers around the hem of Danny’s shirt and twisted it in his hand. His knuckles brushed against the warm skin underneath and his heart did backflips in his chest. Danny kept still and continued his steady breathing.

Danny’s neck and shoulders were an open invitation to Tom’s lips. He gently brushed them against Danny’s warm skin and felt him shudder at the touch. He let go of Danny’s shirt hem and slid his hand around and down toward the waistband of Danny’s boxer briefs. The muscles in Danny’s stomach danced under Tom’s fingertips. Danny’s breathing quickened but he remained still. 

The bulge in Danny’s underwear fit perfectly in Tom’s hand. He was still soft, still dormant. Tom wanted to change that. Fear threatened to derail his plans. What if Danny didn’t get excited by Tom’s touch? He shook off the thoughts and continued on, squeezing gently against Danny’s dick and balls. Danny sucked in a breath and wrapped his fingers around Tom’s forearm. Tom continued rubbing his palm against the material of Danny’s briefs and did not have to wait long to wonder if his efforts would get a reaction. He could feel Danny’s bulge growing, pushing against his fingers and hand. He squeezed and rubbed harder, faster, trying to take in every breath, moan and encouraging “keep going” command. Danny tightened his grip on Tom’s arm and stifled a moan. Tom felt Danny’s orgasm as it travelled over his entire body and and spilled into his hand.

Neither of them moved. Danny’s grasp on Tom’s arm was firm as his breathing steadied and Tom’s hand was still resting against the soaked material of Danny’s briefs. A rush of adrenaline ran through him as he realized he had been able to make Danny cum. He grinned ear to ear. If Danny could see him he’d probably have something quippy to say about it. With one last gentle kiss against Danny’s neck Tom finally found the sleep he needed.

By morning the only thing Tom was holding was his pillow against his head. “Oh my god it’s too bright in here!” He said into it.

Danny’s mocking laugh next to him made Tom move the pillow away. “You think it’s funny?” Tom turned over and whacked Danny on the side of the head with the pillow. But in his hungover state he missed. This sent Danny into a strong laughing fit.

Tom could not help but laugh along with him. After their fit of silliness Tom stopped and looked at Danny. “I was drunk, I am hungover. But I know what happened.”

Danny turned to his side and got closer to Tom. He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently against Tom’s, pulling away before it was anything more than that. “Good. Let’s get you some food and coffee and take care of that hangover.”

As Danny set about cooking eggs and brewing coffee while Tom sat at the table with his head in his hands their mother stepped into the doorway.

“What’s wrong?” Danny’s concerned voice made Tom look up. His mother stepped into the kitchen. She had clearly been crying.

“Mom?”

“It’s your father, he’s been in an accident.”

Chapter 3

Tom’s already heavy head swam with new thoughts and the air seemed to escape his lungs and refuse to return. In ten years since his mother left his father he had heard him referred to as “that man” and “the asshole.” So the fact that she referred to him as “your father” meant this was serious.

“Where?” Danny’s voice broke through Tom’s fog.

“Here, in Boston,” his mother answered.

“He’s here? How long has he…” Danny again.

“He never left. Look there’s no time to discuss it now, they need us. You. And your sisters. At the hospital so they can run tests. For compatibility. He will need blood. And might need other things.” She was vague but frantic. 

The hospital waiting area was quieter than Tom expected. And empty aside from his siblings, his mother and himself. He sat in a chair next to Danny, close enough to feel his heat but not close enough to raise suspicions. The nurse had already called Allison in. As they waited for the next one to be called Tom’s mind wandered to the night before. Danny’s lips on his, his light moans as Tom stroked him. Tom shook off the thought. Not the time or place to revisit that.

He wondered what all this meant. He tried to list off the things he would ask the nurse once they called on him. By the time Danny had returned and Tom made his way into the examining room he had forgotten everything he wanted to say. There was something off about Danny’s face when they brought him back to the waiting area. Something that made Tom hurt inside.

“I am going to be taking some blood, just a pin prick, and swabbing your mouth for DNA. We are looking for compatibility for organ donation and blood transfusions,” the nurse explained and handed Tom a clipboard with papers on it. “This is a consent form. It essentially says that you have agreed to these tests. If you are a match there will be other forms for that.”

Consent form. Tom didn’t even consider that there might be a choice in all this. Maybe he didn’t want to be tested. He looked it over. Words jumbled together as he tried to read it. Organ compatibility. Agreement to be tested. Not a consent to donate. Legal words. He signed it. His head already hurt, this was making things worse.

A prick on his finger. A cotton swab swipe in his mouth, and the nurse was gone. “Wait here, the doctor will be in with your results in a few minutes.”

Alone in a quiet sterile white room. Tom’s thoughts threatened to wander back to the night before, but he once again stopped them in their tracks. Everything seemed to be moving quickly here, which meant there was an urgency. His father was probably dying. Did he care? Somewhere deep inside him he wondered how cruel it would be to admit anger and abandonment made him less concerned about him in this moment. In this moment he was wondering about Danny. What had they told him? As he was contemplating the possibilities Tom realized why the look scared him so much. It was the same distant look Danny had when he was fifteen and suddenly part of a strange family, lost and alone.

Tom’s thoughts were interrupted by a new face. “Hello, Mister Patterson, I’m doctor Sullivan. I am taking care of your father.” 

Tom tried to smile at her. She returned the strained gesture.

“Well,” she said looking over a sheet of paper in front of her. “We have your results and you are a very close match, as close to perfect as we can ever hope to get, the chances of successful donation are extremely high.”

This did not surprise Tom in the least. He was not medically inclined but he was pretty sure that sharing DNA with his father would make him a good match for whatever it was he needed. Still he asked the question anyway. “What does that mean?”

“I am going to be honest with you. Your father’s injuries are substantial. He will need a kidney transplant, sooner rather than later. So if you were to choose to, you could donate your kidney to him without much complication,” Doctor Sullivan answered.

“Can I think about it?” Tom heard himself say. “I mean, do I have time to decide what to do?” That did not sound much better.

“Yes, of course.” Doctor Sullivan did not seem to be concerned with the response. “He is stable at the moment and we are trying to keep him comfortable. I can give you a day or two to talk about this with your family and make a decision. I would not expect you to decide now. There are no guarantees with any procedure; even routine operations come with complications. The transplant process does present risk for both the recipient and the donor, these are very rare but something you should consider before making your decision. We can give you information regarding the operation that should answer any questions you might have in the meantime.”

Tom felt like a zombie as he followed Doctor Sullivan back to the waiting area. His mother stood up and greeted him with a warm hug as he walked through the door and back into the quiet room still only occupied by his family.

“Mrs. Patterson, I am Doctor Sullivan.” She introduced herself. “Your ex-husband is stable but, will need extensive surgery in the coming days. The impact damaged many of his organs. But his kidneys were the most severe. He will need a transplant. Tom is a match. He is the only match.”

Tom felt Danny stiffen next to him at those last words. 

“Tom has asked for some time to think about this, it is a big decision. We have a little bit of time. But I encourage you to get back to me as soon as possible,” Doctor Sullivan nodded to Tom and left the family standing in the waiting area.

All eyes were on him. All except one pair. The only one that mattered. Tom looked from his mother to his sisters and took a deep breath. “I am not saying I will not give him my kidney. I am not saying I want him to die. But that man was never my father. He was not there for the first thirteen years of my life, any more than he has been the last ten. So you will have to forgive me for not jumping onto an operating table and offering up my organs.”

“Let’s go home.” His mother suggested and the group silently made their way out to the parking lot.

The only thing Tom wanted was to get Danny alone and find out what was wrong. But he realized that he was dizzy and remembered he had not had anything to eat all day. He headed to the kitchen to make a sandwich and left Danny with his sisters and mother in the living room to explain the details of the day to their significant others. A few minutes later Danny joined him.

“Any idea of what you’re going to do?” Danny asked.

Tom shook his head. He took a bite of sandwich and chewed slowly. “I feel like an asshole. Even thinking that the answer might be no. I have the chance to save a life. Maybe he wasn’t the father I needed, or whatever. But what kind of person questions whether or not to save someone? Anyone? If they have the chance.”

“It’s not that simple.” Danny answered him. 

“Are you okay? You don’t seem to be yourself right now.” Tom took another bite and chewed slowly, again. He was trying to save himself from throwing up. Hungover, overwhelmed, tired. Pick one, or all of them, he was not in great shape.

“Just a lot to take in I guess. I mean, who knew. He was living here in Boston all along. Why didn’t he try to contact us? Or did he, and mom didn’t pass on the messages?” Danny slowed down at the words us and mom. 

“Maybe I should give him my kidney just so that we can find out,” Tom suggested.

For a moment Tom saw a spark in Danny’s eyes that made Tom think he was actually contemplating that as a good idea. 

Over the next several hours each of Tom’s sisters came to talk with him. All of them understood his reasons for being hesitant. But all of them leaned toward Tom going forward with the surgery. Danny had sat with him the whole time, as moral support, he said. They were about to head up to the their room when their mother asked to talk to Tom alone. 

“You have every right to be angry at your father, but don’t let your anger cloud your judgment. I may not have been the best at keeping my personal feelings about the man to myself, but he is your father and I did love him very much at one time. He gave me four. Five. Beautiful children and I could never, will never, hate him as much as I may make it seem.” She said it so fast Tom wondered if she had rehearsed it all day.

“I know mom.” Tom was running out of things to say. He had spent so much time explaining himself to his sisters he was exhausted and just wanted to go to bed. “Tomorrow, when I am clearer and I can really get my thoughts together I will make a decision. Until then I need sleep. We all need sleep.”

His mother nodded at him and squeezed his arm.

“But.” Tom stopped her from walking away. “We are going to have to talk about what you did and did not know about him being in Boston.”

“Goodnight honey,” she said as an answer and Tom was too tired to care that it wasn’t an agreement to having that conversation.

Danny was sitting at the edge of the bed when Tom entered the room. He was clearly lost in thought. Tom sat next to him and put his hand on Danny’s forearm. Danny turned his arm over and slid his fingers between Tom’s. “Do you want to talk about it?” Tom asked.

Danny didn't answer right away and he could barely look Tom in the eyes. “Yes. But I am afraid of what it means. For us.”

“Just tell me, please.” Tom was trying not to plead, or beg, but he was so tired and he just wanted to pass out and forget about this day.

Danny took a deep breath. “I know you have had a lot on your mind, with this decision and all that goes with it. But have you wondered at all why you were the only match?”

Tom had wondered. But it was a quick thought that had left his mind as soon as the idea that he was responsible for deciding if a man he hardly knew lived or died took over. He started to say that but Danny kept going.

“He is not my father.”

All the blood rushed from Tom’s head and he felt like he was going to faint. “Wh-what?”

“My DNA does not match his. At all. One hundred percent. He is not my father. They ran the test three times. They thought there was some sort of mistake.”

“Oh my God Danny. Oh. My. God. What. You should have told me hours ago!”

“Like I said. I was afraid of what that means for us.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I just. I worry you are attracted to the drama, and not me.”

This baffled Tom. Danny had sat with him all day and watched as he dealt with life changing decisions. Meanwhile he had gotten life changing news of his own. And then to question his feelings.

Tom let go of Danny’s hand and got up from the bed. His heart thumped in his chest as he stood in front of Danny. He knelt down and put his hand on Danny’s knees, slowly running his hands up his this to widen Danny’s legs. Danny slid closer and leaned forward. Their lips found each other, kissing deeper and stronger than either of them could imagine. Hands bumped, fingers tangled as they went to take each other’s shirts off. A fit of giggles separated their mouths temporarily and Danny waited while Tom pulled his shirt over his head. A breath later and they were back to kissing.

“Lay back,” Tom whispered.

Tom’s fears threatened to derail his plans but he pushed them away and climbed onto the bed, straddling Danny’s torso and gently sitting on his waist. He traced his fingers over Danny’s toned stomach trying not to tickle his sides as he felt skin shudder under his touch. Danny’s eyes were closed. But his lips quivered and his breathing was erratic. A clear sign he was enjoying Tom’s touch. Tom’s fingers slid into the waistband of Danny’s jeans. Danny arched his back pushing against Tom’s hand and closing the gap between his growing hard-on and Tom’s already hard cock. Feeling the bulge in Danny’s jeans drove Tom further, his fears slipping away. 

Leaning forward Tom found Danny’s lips and kissed him quickly before whispering into his ear. “I need you inside me.”

There was a hint of fear Danny’s face but it only lasted a moment. Danny sat up bringing Tom with him. In one quick motion Tom was on his back and Danny was leaning over him. One by one Danny removed each piece of clothing from Tom’s body, making sure to brush Tom’s skin as he did. When Tom was sufficiently naked Danny stood up and made a show of removing his pants and underwear, keeping his eyes on Tom’s as he slid them over his hips and stepped out of them. His cock stood at attention. Tom licked his lips compulsively and smiled as he realized what he was doing.

“Slowly,” Tom whispered as Danny pressed the head of his dick against his hole which was dancing in anticipation. Tom couldn’t believe this was actually happening. The moment he had been waiting for was finally here.

Danny took his time sliding further and further into Tom’s ass, kissing his neck as he did. Tom stifled moans and grasped the bedspread as the veins in Danny’s shaft woke up every nerve inside him. When he felt the head of Danny’s cock press against the perfect spot he arched his back and covered his mouth before his guttural scream traveled further than their room.

“So tight,” Danny whispered. 

It made Tom chuckle. “Different than you’re used to.” It was more of a statement than a question. The fact that this was Danny’s first time with a man was not lost on Tom. He was letting himself feel and think and be in every moment of this. It wasn’t long before his dick was shooting hot cum onto his stomach.

Danny lost his rhythm along with the last of his control. Tom could feel him pulse inside him just as he felt the wet heat against his ass. It was the second time he had made Danny cum. He made a note of it before returning back to the present. 

“Was that your first time?” Danny asked when they were comfortably under the bedcovers and laying against each other. 

Tom hesitated with an answer. He had waited a long time before he let someone take his virginity. He wanted it to be Danny. But reality always seemed to remind him that was never going to happen. He smiled at the thought and answered. “No.”

“Good.”

“I waited. A long time. Last year, was my first time. I was in college and I waited till I was twenty-two to have sex. I wanted you then. I want you now. I will always want you. Don’t ever question that again. Please.”

“Okay,” Danny’s sleepy voice answered him.

“I’m going to go through with it.” Tom lifted his head and looked at Danny who’s eyes were closed. They opened before Danny spoke.

“What?”

“I am going to give one of my kidneys to my father.”

“Okay,” Danny said the word again but more as a question than as an agreement.

“We need to know what he knows about your father,” Tom told him.

“What if he doesn’t know anything? It’s a hell of a risk to take.”

“I’m willing to take that chance. Okay? We’re going to figure it out. I mean. If that’s what you want?”

Danny did not answer for a few minutes. “Yeah. I want to know. I need to know.”

“Okay,” Tom said with a small grin.

Chapter 4

“Morning.” Danny’s deep sexy morning voice was right next to Tom’s ear. For a second he thought he was dreaming. “As much as I am enjoying having you warm and naked next to me we should probably let everyone know you’ve made a decision.”

Decision? Tom thought back to the night before. The feeling of Danny’s body on top of him, his beautiful face just an inch away as Danny made love to him for the first time. Of many, he hoped. It was so much better than he had imagined it would be. And he had imagined it a lot. His insides danced as he remembered how good it felt, how hard he come. His decision. Right. He was going to give his dying father a vital organ. That decision.

Tom knew Danny was right. But he also knew Danny’s morning hard-on was resting nicely against his ass and it was calling for him to put it in his mouth. He could hear it, and if anyone asked he would swear it called out to him and begged to be sucked. He turned over and faced Danny with a sly grin, laughing at his own private joke. 

“What?” Danny noticed.

Tom kissed Danny gently on the lips and trailed soft kissed down his neck and chest. Danny’s skin fluttered under Tom’s touch making him even more determined to continue his way down, further under the covers toward his prize. His mouth watered in anticipation as he raked his tongue over Danny’s happy trail and traced it down, getting closer to his goal. His breath on Danny’s cock almost too much and yet, not enough.

“Shit, Tommy.” Danny jumped. 

Tom let that be a sign of encouragement as he continued further down the shaft feeling Danny got harder. Clear liquid gleamed off the tip and Tom was no longer interested in being patient. He wrapped his lips around the head and pressed his tongue against it tasting the sweetness of Danny pre-cum. 

“Ungh.” Danny’s guttural moan was music to Tom’s ears. Tom’s lips and tongue pressed against Danny’s cock, seeking out any and all spots that made Danny twitch and moan. “Keep going,” Danny begged. He arched his back and grabbed a hold of a good chunk of Tom’s hair. Muffled moans spurred Tom on and when he heard the words he had been waiting for loud and clear — “I’m coming!” — he braced both hands on Danny’s thighs and slid Danny’s dick further into his mouth, let it go, he took it even further, pushing his own boundaries and taking Danny past the point of oblivion. Tom kept up his rhythm despite the hot cum sliding down his throat.

“Stop, you have to stop,” Danny begged. “Oh my god Tom, stop.”

Tom finally let go of Danny’s cock and kissed his way back up his sweaty torso. Danny’s breathing was ragged. He tried to calm himself. “That was, amazing.” He seemed surprised by his admission. Tom couldn’t wait to share more surprises with him.

When they finally made their way downstairs it was no different than any other day. The house was filled with children’s screams and laughter and noise. The kitchen looked like it had been in a tornado. Except everything was different now. When they stood together waiting for their breakfast to cook they stayed close, sharing soft touches and laughing at jokes that were probably only funny to them. Tom had dreamed of the day it could be like this. It was definitely as sugar sweet and sickening as he’d figured it would be. The sound of someone clearing their throat pulled them out of their moment.

“Mom.” Tom stepped back from Danny and cursed himself for it. 

“Boys.” She greeted them as one. 

Two things occurred to Tom in that moment. One, his mother was nowhere near as shocked and horrified by the clear and open show of affection between he and Danny as she should have been. And two, she looked like she had not slept at all. He chose to focus on the second observation, for now.

“Did you get any sleep at all?” He asked, offering her a cup of freshly brewed coffee.

She shook her head at the coffee, and at the question.

“Sit.” Danny suggested to both of them as he served himself and Tom eggs and toast and joined them at the table. “How long have you known?” He wasted no time. Tom nearly choked on the bite of eggs he had scooped into his mouth.

“Known what?” She could barely look at him.

“Funny thing happened yesterday while we were all being tested for organ donor compatibility. Turns out, the man in that hospital bed, dying of injuries he got in an accident he was in just a few miles from here, is not my father.” Danny’s voice remained steady although his insides were screaming for answers.

“I suspected. Early on. But you were so lost, and it would have been so cruel to put you through that.” She defended. “I wanted to tell you, so many times. As you grew older. As I watched Tom fall further in love with you. I hoped the distance between you would change things. Clearly it didn’t.”

Tom fought back tears and anger and emotions he was not ready to put names on yet. “It would’ve been better if you’d told us.”

She nodded. “I had no idea he was even in Boston and had been for years, until recently. Honestly when I found out it didn’t seem like it was something I needed to tell any of you right away. You were all gone. Scattered around. It wasn’t like you were going to come rushing back because he was living here.” 

“Is that why you wanted me to spend my break here?” Tom asked.

“No.” She shook her head to make her answer stronger. “I wanted to spend time with you before you got so busy you wouldn’t be able to.”

Tom decided to pass over the guilt trip of that sentiment. He took another bite of eggs to stop himself from saying anything at all.

“I didn’t know you were gay, too.” She directed to Danny.

“It’s complicated,” Tom answered for him.

“It really isn’t,” Danny interrupted. “I’m not. But I love him, and making him happy makes me happy. Doesn’t mean I’m attracted to all men. Just this one.”

Tom’s heart felt like it would burst out of his chest and the tears he had been holding back escaped momentarily before he could stop them again. He swallowed hard and wiped his wet eyes with is napkin. “I’ve made a decision.”

“I’ll get the girls.” His mother seemed happy to escape the growing tension.

The kitchen table was too small for all of them but they were crowded around it anyway. The three girls. Their mother. Tom. And Danny. Tom and Danny sat close together, holding hands and no longer concerned with any open show of affection. Despite Allison, Amy and Melissa not having all the information yet. 

“I’m going to give one of my kidney’s to our father,” Tom said as soon as everyone was settled. “I read through the information Dr. Sullivan gave me and I understand the risks. I’m willing to take the chance. For this.” He pointed at he and Danny’s linked hands. 

“I’m not your brother. I mean, I’m not related to any of you,” Danny corrected himself as he filled in more information. “The tests they ran yesterday. I don’t share DNA with any of you.” He filled in the rest. “Tom is determined to find out if your father knows anything about who my actual father is.”

There was silence in the room as the information settled over Tom’s sisters. Each of them attempted to ask questions but none of them could complete full sentences.

Tom picked up his cell phone and dialed Dr. Sullivan’s number. He was surprised to find her on the line within moments. Surely she was busy?

“Tom, I was just about to call you,” Dr. Sullivan greeted him urgently. “Your father is awake, and is asking for you, and your sisters. And Danny.”

“I see,” Tom answered. “So is he better then?”

“No, unfortunately,” she told him. “He will still need a kidney soon. But he is unwilling to discuss anything with me until he has seen all of you.”

“We’ll be there within the hour,” Tom told her. He set the phone down. “He’s awake. And he wants to see all of us. He’s refusing to speak to her about his condition until he has.”

His mother shook her head in Tom’s direction, his sisters sat with their arms crossed, Danny raised an eyebrow at him. Tom threw his hands up in frustration. “I’m just telling you what the doctor told me. So are we going?”

In the reception area the frustration, chaos, and sickness of a usual hospital waiting area was a stark contrast to the quiet empty room they had been in the day before. The impatient nurse could not be any less helpful in guiding them to the correct wing of the hospital, or telling them anything about what room their father was in. The family let Allison deal with it. She was the best at talking people into being helpful without them even knowing they were doing it.

Doctor Sullivan greeted them when they finally found their father’s room. “He’s been in and out of consciousness,” she told them. “He knows he needs a kidney transplant. He knows we found a match. As soon as he found out it was Tom he stopped cooperating and demanded to see all of you.”

“Thank you,” Tom’s mother smiled at the doctor in a way that seemed to say ‘sorry he’s always been impossible.’

They crowded into a small cubicle sized area filled with machines and cords and things beeping and wheezing and whirling. If being crammed into the car on the ride over was uncomfortable, standing shoulder to shoulder in a cold sterile room was practically unbearable. Tom tried not to lash out as elbows jammed into him on either side. He pressed closer to Danny and took short breaths hoping to limit the amount of medicine and ammonia he inhaled. The whole thing was making him dizzy. Danny gave his hand a good squeeze and Tom felt a brief moment of relief.

In the bed in the middle of this maze was a frail, bruised, broken man Tom had a hard time recognizing even if he wasn’t in this state. Dr. Sullivan stood over him checking vitals and speaking to him in a gentle tone. “Your family is here as you requested.”

The man nodded and slowly swiveled his head around the room, resting his eyes quickly on each person. When he found who he was looking for he stopped. “Come closer.” His hoarse voice barely traveled to Tom’s ears. But it wasn’t Tom he was asking for. It was Danny. 

Danny stepped forward tentatively. He leaned down to let the man whisper in his ear. Tom tried to listen for any words he could hear, but the man’s voice was faint. He wondered if Danny could even hear them. When Danny’s face went pale and tears began to fall from his eyes Tom knew he could hear him perfectly and whatever it was Danny heard, it wasn’t good news. Danny stepped back from the bed and the man’s eyes rested on Tom. Tom was still watching Danny who had returned to his side. He nudged Tom’s shoulder lightly and nodded in the direction of the hospital bed. “He wants to talk to you now.” Danny’s voice cracked as he spoke. Tom didn’t want to leave his side. But he did. He had to. It’s why he was here.

When Tom stopped next to his father’s bed the sadness in the man’s eyes cut through him like a knife. “I’m sorry, Tommy. I’m sorry I was never the father you needed,” his hoarse voice spoke the words and his eyes retained their infinite sadness. Tom was starting to feel better about his decision to help this man. For a brief moment he felt a pang of hope that he could mend their relationship. And as Tom wondered what that would be like the man turned toward Dr. Sullivan. 

“I refuse.”

“Excuse me?” Dr. Sullivan moved closer.

“I won’t take his kidney.”

Doctor Sullivan looked up at Tom who shrugged at her. The words were clear. The clearest Tom had heard the man say, probably ever. There was movement and mumbling behind him. His family had heard them too.

“It could take months to find another kidney for you, Mr. Patterson.” Doctor Sullivan spoke with urgency and concern.

“I understand the consequences, doctor. But I. Will. Not. take my son’s kidney. Now, I would like say goodbye to my children.”

Chapter 5

The room erupted into a whirlwind of chaos and chatter. “He needs a kidney!” Allison. “He said he doesn’t want it!” Amy. “He’ll die!” Melissa. “Maybe we should just let him!” Their mother.

Tom backed away from his father’s hospital bed and found Danny standing behind everyone. “What did he tell you?” 

Danny shook his head at Tom. “Not now.”

“He doesn’t want my help, now is fine,” Tom insisted.

“You need to deal with your family Tom,” Danny retorted. “I’ll see you at home.” He said the second part a little more kindly. 

“They’re your family too, Danny,” Tom said under his breath as he watched him walk out the door. He wanted to follow him but stood rooted in place, glancing between the door and his family standing over a dying man he barely knew, arguing. When he made his decision and started for the door his mother stopped him. “Where are you going?” she demanded.

“Home, with Danny,” Tom answered her kindly despite the vitriol in her voice.

“Your father is dying,” his mother reminded him, as if he wasn’t already aware.

Tom stared at her for a long beat. “Yes. Something he has chosen. He doesn’t want my help. Why are we standing around forcing him to live if he doesn’t want to?”

From behind him his father’s voice broke through. “I’m going to die anyway. My entire body is broken. Who’s gonna take care of me? You?” He aimed that at his ex wife. “Any of you?”

Tom turned from his mother and looked at his father. They had all been so focused on the man needing a kidney; no one had even asked what his other injuries were.

“You have insurance, that’s what it’s for,” Tom’s mother retorted. 

“Cathy.” He said her name with equal parts exasperation and love long gone. “What kind of life am I going to live and for how long? I’ll be on dialysis. On medication. I’ll need around the clock care. I’m paralyzed below the waist. I have a catheter and need oxygen pumped into my lungs just so they work. So they give me a new kidney and what, all that other stuff goes away? I won’t put Tommy through a risky surgery to prolong my life for a short time.”

Tom’s mother sighed deeply. “Whatever.” She’d had enough.

“I’ll be right outside,” Tom said with a gentle touch of his mother’s shoulder. When he stepped out the hallway was quiet, white, sterile; a stark contrast to the chaos that he had just left. It reflected the peace he felt despite the situation. He did what he thought was right, he offered to save a man he hardly knew. He had let go of the dream of a father/son relationship long ago.  

One by one his sisters joined him in the hallway. Amy was subdued. She knew their father about as much as Tom did. Melissa was a little more emotional. Allison was the one that needed most consoling. They stood gathered together in the hallway.

“He chose to leave us a long time ago,” Amy said quietly. 

“Aim, mom kicked him out,” Melissa replied, but her attempt at standing up for the man was weak, and by the look on her face she knew it.

“After he cheated,” Tom reminded them. 

“Enough,” Allison said, louder than she meant to, she lowered her head. “The man’s dying.”

Tom was about to argue when his mother stepped into the hall. Her face was streaked with tears. “He’s gone,” she said between sobs.

The quiet hallway suddenly became a whirlwind of action. Footsteps against the linoleum floor alerted Tom that people were running. Doctor Sullivan led a procession of nurses heading toward their father’s room. “What happened?” she yelled over her shoulder as she opened the door. The steady beeping of the machines inside were now a chorus of loud alarms and alerts and the noise was unsettling.

“He just gave up,” Cathy answered her question but the doctor was already inside tending to her patient.

By the time they got home from the hospital every one of them was exhausted. Tom made his way up to his room to find Danny, and possibly collapse into a long nap. When he stepped into the room it was empty. He looked around to make sure he was seeing things right, but he knew he was. Danny’s bags were gone. His heart skipped. He looked around the room one more time. On a pillow on the bed he and Danny had been sharing was a piece of paper. 

“I had to get back to New York. We’ll talk soon. Love, Danny.”

Toms stared at the words. Who the hell writes notes anymore? That was his first thought. Then he wondered what on earth Danny could need to go to New York for, it was Thanksgiving Day, there was no way he had to get back for work. He was running. Dammit Danny. Tom crushed the paper into a ball and threw it across the room. He laid his head on the pillow and was asleep within minutes.

A knock on his door pulled him out of a restless dream. He realized the house smelled amazing. God he was hungry.

“Boys,” his mother’s voice came through.

“Danny went back to New York,” Tom said as he pulled the door open. 

“Oh.” She didn’t know what else to say. “Well, dinner’s ready.”

Tom followed his mother down the stairs. As they stepped into the dining room a table full of kids, his siblings and their significant others and all the Thanksgiving foods he’d grown up loving greeted him. There was really only one thing missing, Danny. 

“Where’s Uncle Danny?” Allison’s oldest daughter asked when everyone was seated. 

“He had to go back to New York honey,” Cathy answered her with a gentle tone. The air in the room suddenly went still.

“This food looks amazing, we should eat,” Tom put on the happiest voice he could muster and grabbed a plate of potatoes from the center.

“Let’s all say something we’re thankful for,” Melissa’s youngest son suggested just as Cathy suggested they start on dessert. The air in the room went still again. “I’ll start,” he said cheerily. “I am thankful for apple pie and vanilla ice cream.”

The family laughed, as one. Leave it to the innocence of children to diffuse the intensity of the day. Tom thought. He tried his best to listen to each person tell the table what they were thankful for, but his mind was wandering all over. What could he possibly say he’s thankful for today? When it was his turn he smiled slightly and confessed “I’m thankful for DNA tests and trains.”

“What’s a DNA test?” Tom heard the kids ask. “Trains?” He heard someone say. But he had already stood up from the table and taken his plate to the kitchen. When he turned to exit he ran into his mother who had stepped inside unnoticed.

“Going somewhere?” she asked, but she knew the answer.

“New York,” Tom answered. He had the good sense not to follow it up with a snarky comment.

“Is that a good idea?” 

Tom looked at her and cocked his head to the side. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“He left for a reason Tommy, maybe you should just let him be,” she busied herself with clearing food off dishes and into a trash can. “Maybe it’s what’s best for you, right now.”

Tom shook his head and brushed past his mother. He took the stairs two at a time, shoved a few things into a bag and checked the train schedule from Boston to New York. He was happy to find a train leaving in two hours. He grabbed his laptop, his bag and his jacket and ran back down the stairs almost falling as he did.

The family had gathered in the living room to watch Christmas movies, despite it being a month away. Tom went to Amy and kneeled down next to her. “Aim, will you take me to the train station?”

He knew if anyone was going to be on his side it would be Amy. She was closest in age and the one he trusted more than anyone, aside from Danny. Luckily she was looking for a way to get out of the house for a bit and agreed without so much as asking him why and where she was going.

In the car all she asked was if he was sure of what he was doing. He wasn’t, but he promised her he was doing the right thing.

Despite having chosen the quiet car for his four hour train ride from Boston to New York City Tom found himself listening to a man whose business transaction was going very poorly. There were several other passengers in the car with them who were somehow managing to sleep through this heated exchange. Or what Tom assumed was a two-sided call; he couldn’t hear the other person at all. For all he knew the man was screaming into a phone with no one on the other end of it. He smiled to himself, turned up his music, closed his eyes and tuned out the man’s voice.

He ran the conversation he was intending to have with Danny over in his head. He didn’t want to sound desperate or accusatory. He just wanted to know why Danny had left so suddenly. He wanted to know what his father had told Danny about his own father. He wanted to know why he’d barely heard from him. He needed answers. So he was going to get them. 

The walk from Grand Central Station to Danny’s Manhattan apartment was chilly but soothing. Sitting for four and a half hours in an uncomfortable train seat had done a number on his back and it felt good to move his legs. It was the middle of the night and the streets were virtually empty. Tom kept his head down against the wind and headed in what he hoped was the right direction. 

Danny’s apartment building was much nicer than Tom expected it to be. He wasn’t sure why he was surprised by that. Danny had a good job in the financial sector on Wall Street with a nice salary and potential to move up quickly. He had gone from intern to junior executive in two years. 

Danny lived in a high rise apartment with a doorman and a concierge and polished floors that made Tom’s sneakers squeak when he walked over the tiles. This made the bellman look up. “Can I help you?” 

“Hi. My broth…boy…friend lives here,” Tom stammered.

“What’s your friend’s name?” The bellman overlooked Tom’s word struggle.

“Danny Patterson,” Tom said the name and immediately wondered if that was correct. Had Danny gone back to his mother’s last name? It’s only been a week, he reminded himself.

“Who may I tell him is asking for him?” The bellman was all business.

“Tom,” he answered.

“Do you have a last name, Tom?” The bellman asked as he picked up the receiver on his desk phone.

“Um. Patterson.” 

The bellman raised an eyebrow at him.

“It’s complicated.” Tom shrugged.

“Sorry to disturb you Mr. Patterson but I have a Tom Patterson in the lobby for you.” The bellman looked up at Tom. “Yes sir. Thank you, sir.” He set the receiver back on the phone. “Wait here please.”

Tom nodded and stood in front of the tall counter where he had stopped. The bellman pushed another button on the desk phone and picked up his pencil and a crossword puzzle book. For a moment Tom wondered if he was waiting on Danny or the cops to come for him. He shook off the thought. The elevator ding made him jump. Jesus Tom get a grip.

Tom’s heart was already beating fast when Danny stepped out from behind the doors of the elevator. He smiled at the sight of him and his heart felt like it would burst out of his chest when Danny smiled back. 

“Hi.” Danny greeted him, still smiling. 

“Hi.” Tom returned the greeting and the smile. 

“Thanks Joe, he’s fam…a friend.” Danny made the same mistake.

The bellman, whose name was apparently Joe, shrugged, nodded and went back to his crossword puzzle.

“What are you doing here?” Danny asked when they stepped into the elevator.

Tom was happy to find Danny not so much annoyed or angry that he had shown up unannounced, just confused. “I needed to see you, talk to you.” He reached out and hooked his fingers into Danny’s. 

Danny closed his hand on Tom’s. “Your hand is freezing.”

Tom hadn’t noticed. “Forgot my gloves, and hat.” In truth Tom hadn’t taken much with him. A small bag had a change of clothes. Everything else was what he had on when he left. At least he had remembered to put on a jacket.

Danny’s apartment was small and warm. Danny led Tom to an oversized sofa that faced a full wall of windows. The lights of the city shined bright outside. The city that never sleeps, Tom thought with a smile. 

“Sit, I’m gonna get you some tea.” Danny disappeared before Tom could say anything.

The kitchen was just off the living room and Tom could see Danny from the couch. “Nice place. View is incredible.” Small talk. He wasn’t ready for anything more yet.

“Thanks,” Danny said handing Tom a hot cup of tea. The heat felt good against his skin. “Why’re you here Tommy?”

“You left before we could talk.” Tom took a sip and burned his tongue. “Shit. Burned my tongue,” he added when Danny gave him a quizzical look. 

“I had to get back to work,” Danny said with a shrug.

“That’s what you said. What was it that my father told you that made you want to get away from us, from me, so fast?”

Danny shook his head. “I wasn’t running away from you Tommy. I had stuff going on, work things to get back to.”

Tom took another careful sip of his tea and waited for Danny to continue.

Danny sighed at him. “My mother lied. To me, to him. My father was a drug addict who overdosed on her couch one night after a session.” He paused. “She was a whore Tom.”

Tom looked at him and raised an eyebrow. “What the fuck Danny.”

“No, I mean, that was what she did for money, for work. Your father was a client. And the only person she could think of when the hospital asked who the father was when she went into labor with me. I guess after that she just, convinced herself it was true, then convinced your father. He stepped up, Tommy. He paid child support. Every month. I saw him a couple times, but he wasn’t any more a father to me than he was you.”

“He said all that? As he was laying there dying?”

Danny shook his head. “No. He told me the answers I was looking for were in a letter he kept in a box under his bed. At his apartment in Boston. That’s where I went when I left the hospital.”

Tom stared at him. Stunned.

“He lived a mile away from us, from mom…your mom. A mile, Tommy.”

“Yeah we’re not even going to go into what a terrible father he was all the way to the end. I still don’t understand why you left. Without talking to me, without telling me any of that.”

Danny didn’t answer for a long time. Tom let him sit there in silence, sipped his tea and stared out the window. 

“I’m so confused.” Danny finally said.

“About?” Tom knew it was a dumb question. He asked it anyway, hoping Danny’s newfound openness would continue.

“Everything. Just, everything. Two weeks ago I had a family and a good job and knew who I was. Today. I’m an orphan with no idea what the hell I’m doing. The good news is I still have a good job.”

Tom set his empty mug on the glass table in front of him and sat forward. “I’m sorry. I wish he had told you better news. But just because your parents are gone doesn’t mean you’re an orphan. You still have a family. We, they’ve always been your family.”

“I know. And I haven’t forgotten what your mother did for me. I mean. She raised me. I can’t even imagine what she thought when your father turned up with me and told her I was his. Fuck, Tommy, he knew then that I wasn’t. He might have been a shitty father but he stepped up.”

There were so many things Tom wanted to say to deny that fact, but he knew Danny was right. And despite how angry it made him, he couldn’t help but thank the man for bringing Danny into his life. Somewhere under the surface he knew he should be forgiving his father just for that. 

“What’re you thinking?” Danny brought him back to reality.

“I’m so angry at him,” Tom admitted. “But if he hadn’t done what he did we wouldn’t be in each other’s lives and I can’t help but be thankful that he brought you to us. To me.”

Danny pursed his lips and looked down at his fingers. “It might have been better for you if he hadn’t.”

Tom let the words sink in. They stuck to his insides like pins in a cushion. “What are you saying Danny? You regret having been a part of our lives? Of my life? You told my mom you loved me. Just me, was that a lie?” Tom swallowed hard, holding back tears.

“No, Tommy. It wasn’t a lie. I do love you.”

“And that’s why you’re pushing me away?”

“I just think it’s better, for you.”

“You know, I’m really tired of people deciding what’s best for me.” He sat back against the couch and folded his arms. “I spent years thinking I was broken. Not only was I gay, but I was in love with my brother. I understand the instinct to run. I did it too. It didn’t work for me, and it won’t work for you. If you don’t want to be with me, tell me that. Not because you think it’s what’s best for me. Do it because it’s what you want.”

Danny reached out and put a hand on Tom’s arm. “I never said I didn’t want you Tommy. I said I was confused. You confuse me. Every time I’m with you. I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you. And that’s been true for a lot longer than you know. Longer than even I realized. I kept pretending it was you I was saving, by being happy for you to be far away. But it was me that needed the distance. I wasn’t coming back to Boston for Thanksgiving until mom said you were coming home. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed you.”

The tears Tom had been holding back flowed freely now. Danny pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around him. “Don’t run away from me and don’t push me away. We’ll figure things out together. It won’t be easy, but we’ve always been pretty damn good as a team. Remember how much torment we went through with three big sisters?” Tom said between sobs.

“Let’s go get some sleep,” Danny suggested.

Tom climbed into bed next to Danny with the intention of doing much more than sleep, but as soon as he was laying in the comfortable bed next to Danny’s warm body his exhaustion caught up with him and he fell into a deep sleep. When Danny’s alarm woke him up sooner than he wished, he jumped out of his skin.

“Sorry,” Danny giggled next to him. 

Tom turned to face him. He could get used to waking up to that sound, the giggle, not the alarm. “What time is it?”

“Six,” Danny answered as he got out of bed. “Don’t get up. Just sleep. Make yourself at home. There’s not a lot of food here but Joe can tell you good places to go if you decide to explore the city. Unless, you’re not planning on going home yet are you?”

Tom smiled. “Not going to go anywhere until you tell me to.”

“I shouldn’t be too late.” Danny leaned over him and kissed him on the forehead. 

Tom moved his head and went for Danny’s lips. A shockwave of desire shot through his whole body. He suppressed it. “Have a good day, honey,” he joked.

When Tom finally pulled himself out of the warm bed it was nearly noon. He had not wanted to stay in bed so long. He had plans. He padded into the kitchen and busied himself with the coffee maker. Danny had not been lying. There wasn’t much in the way of food in his kitchen. Thankfully there was bread. And butter. Toast it is. He took his small breakfast into the living room and pulled his laptop out of his bag. 

Several hours later he had a virtual map of the city memorized, had applied for seven jobs and had a basic idea of how much money he’d need to live in New York City. A lot, turns out. Satisfied with his progress he stood up to stretch his legs. The large glass window showed that the sun was setting over the tall buildings. He wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there but when he heard the door open and close behind him the sun was gone and the lights of the city were shining bright.

“Hi,” Danny greeted Tom with that smile that made him feel warm all over. 

Tom walked toward him and wrapped his arms around Danny’s neck. “Hi.” 

“Hungry?” Danny asked between quick kisses. 

Tom pressed his lips against Danny’s and kept them there. Danny moved his mouth against Tom’s and moaned into him. “Not for food,” Tom whispered when they came up for air. He lead Danny into the bedroom and pushed him onto the bed harder than he meant to. “Sorry,” Tom said as he climbed onto Danny’s lap.

Danny pulled on Tom’s t-shirt closing the space between them. His kisses were all Tom needed as a response. He pressed against Danny’s chest, wrapped his hand around his tie and assaulted Danny’s lips and tongue with the hunger and need he had inside him. The first time he went easy on Danny. This time he was not holding back.

Tom’s fingers fumbled unbuttoning Danny’s shirt but he managed to open it without ripping off any buttons. His fingers traced the lines of Danny’s torso and his need heightened as Danny made amazing noises at his touch. If this was how Danny was reacting to Tom’s fingers on his chest, he couldn’t wait to see what he did when he made his way further down. His hands gently pressed against Danny’s shoulders and down his arms, removing the shirt as he massaged Danny’s warm skin. Tom was impressed by how much control Danny was allowing him to have. It meant he trusted him. Tom kissed Danny gently as a thank you. 

Danny’s tie was askew around his neck and pointed directly to where Tom was going next. Tom smiled at the perfect arrow guiding him toward his prize. He wasn’t particularly turned on by the suit and tie fetish, but on Danny, Tom suddenly had all sorts of feelings about ties and their uses. When his hands pressed on Danny’s hips Danny lay back against the bed and gave the remainder of his control over to Tom. Tom didn’t take the gesture lightly. He leaned forward and trailed light kisses down Danny’s stomach before unbuckling his belt and undoing the button and zipper on Danny’s pants. Danny bucked gently when Tom’s fingers found their way to his crotch. 

Tom was happy to find Danny fully erect. It was going to take him a while before he wasn’t surprised by this. He’d spent so much time imagining what it would be like to pleasure Danny that he was still baffled by the fact that he could make him hard just by his touch. Once Danny was naked, except for the tie, Tom stood up and made quick work removing his own clothes. Danny sat up on one arm and watched Tom toss his shirt and sweats aside. He smiled in Tom’s direction as Tom’s hard cock stared at him. 

“I’m going to ride you,” Tom told Danny when he stepped forward. “Just lay back.”

Danny nodded and did as he was asked. Tom straddled him and took his time guiding Danny’s cock into his ass. When he was comfortable enough he started to move against Danny’s waist. Danny’s cock slid further into him making him moan and move even faster. When he felt Danny’s balls against his ass he reached forward and wrapped his hand around Danny’s tie. Danny’s wry smile and “ooh” made Tom’s heart race. 

Danny’s instincts kicked in. Tom didn’t have to tell him what to do. He held on to Tom’s hips and matched his movements, letting Tom do most of the work. “God Tommy,” Danny said his name with so much desire it made Tom double his efforts. Danny’s body shook against him and he felt the heat of Danny’s orgasm against his ass before Danny could tell him it was happening. Tom continued to ride Danny slowly letting the head of Danny’s cock massage his prostate - he was about to beg Danny to touch his cock but Danny did it without being asked. Danny’s touch sent him over the edge. Everything inside him turned molten and his body convulsed sending him forward.

Tom collapsed against Danny’s body. He was breathing heavy and his whole body was numb. Danny’s fingers tickled his back adding to the already present goosebumps. “That was amazing,” Tom pronounced, as if it wasn’t already clear he’d enjoyed it. “I’m hungry for food now.” he laughed.

“I like that I make you feel that way,” Danny said after a few minutes. “Hungry and horny and needy. Is that wrong?”

Tom smiled and propped himself up on one arm so he could look at Danny’s face. “No.” He wanted to say more but stopped there. 

“What?” Danny noticed. Tom was going to have to remember how well Danny knew him.

“I want to make you feel that too.” Tom looked away.

Danny pressed his fingers against Tom’s chin making him look at him again. “You do, Tommy. You do.”

That wasn’t exactly what Tom meant but he was glad to know it. Right now he needed food. Refueling for more he told himself. 

It was too cold to go out. Even Danny admitted it looked pretty awful out. So instead they made some poor bastard deliver them food. Danny tipped him well to make up for it. They sat cross legged on the floor eating off the glass coffee table. Tom stared out the windows wondering if he should tell Danny what he’d done that day. “I applied for some jobs here,” he decided it was worth bringing up. Danny’s reaction nearly made him choke on his Kung Pao chicken. “That smile is going to be the death of me,” Tom admitted between coughs and sips of water. “Was thinking I could stay here for a little while. Just, ya know, until I have solid work and can get my own place.”

Danny’s smile faded a little. 

“Or I can figure something else out, if that’s a problem.” Tom misread the gesture.

“No I just thought maybe, you’d move in here, with me.” 

Tom nearly choked again. Of course that’s what he wanted. But he didn’t want to scare Danny with how fast things were moving. Hell, he was scared of it himself. “Are you sure?” 

“Yes.” Danny’s smile returned. 

And with that the matter was settled. Tom’s heart soared and he couldn’t stop smiling. They ate the rest of their meal in silence though his mind raced with thoughts of living in New York, with Danny. Something he had dreamed of for so long he’d thought it would always be just that. Dreams.

“Your generosity will be greatly rewarded,” Tom read his fortune out loud.

“Someone special will join you on your next adventure,” Danny read his.

“You’re supposed to add ‘in bed,’” Tom noted.

“So I’ve heard.” Danny looked back at the tiny slip of paper. “I thought these were supposed to be predictions of the future. This one is faulty.”

Tom laughed. “Oh my young Padawan, there is so much yet to be learned.” He stood up and held out his hand for Danny to take it. Danny did, and followed Tom back into the bedroom. 

“I will go slow. We can stop any time. It will hurt at first, but it should stop being painful and start feeling good once you get used to it. If it doesn’t, tell me. OK?” Tom was sitting on the bed between Danny’s legs. Danny nodded at him. Tom kissed him gently on the lips. While he had him relaxed he carefully rubbed his middle finger over the opening of Danny’s ass. Danny tensed. “Just my finger for now,” Tom whispered into his ear. Danny relaxed slightly and Tom continued. Danny flinched as Tom’s finger entered him but he didn’t call out. Tom slid his finger further inside. “Relax,” he whispered as Danny’s ass squeeze against him and tried to push him out. 

Danny’s hand tightened its grip on Tom’s bicep and he let out a heavy sigh. Tom had found his prostate. “Damn.” Danny breathed out. 

Tom kept his middle finger in place and whispered “One more.”

Danny’s fingers dug into Tom’s arm but he relaxed enough for Tom to slip his forefinger inside him. He let out a light grunt but didn’t ask to stop. Tom wiggled and massaged and opened Danny up. “Ready?” Danny’s eyes had a mixture of fear and desire in them. When he nodded Tom knew the desire was the stronger feeling and it made his heart race. Danny’s trust in him never wavered. Even now. 

Tom did as he promised. He went slow. Carefully easing his hard cock into Danny’s tight ass. Danny sucked in a breath and let it go. Tom listened for any signs that Danny wanted to stop. He never got them. Before long Danny was encouraging him to go further, move faster. “Yes, Tommy.” Every time Danny said his name it sent chills through Tom’s body. This time, it sent him into spasms and he lost all control. Danny was close behind.

“You okay?” Tom asked after they’d laid in silence for a long time. They were wrapped around each other like vines clinging to a tree. 

“Never better.” Danny’s answer traveled through Tom like fire. 

- - -

It was a week before Christmas and Tom was surprised to find himself on the subway heading to the third interview in less than two weeks. This was the company he had most wanted to hear from when he had applied for jobs on his first day in the city. In just a few short weeks he had made himself comfortable with riding the subway, walking several blocks to get to intended destinations, and being okay with the atmosphere that was New York City. Danny’s apartment, their apartment, Tom had to remind himself, was central to everything they needed. Including the subway station that would take him directly to the building he wanted to work in.

“Don’t fuck this up,” he said to himself as he walked through the door and toward the reception area.

He was led to a waiting area on the eighteenth floor and told someone would be with him shortly. By the time the interview was over Tom had been offered the position in the IT department and he had accepted. As soon as he was back on the street heading toward the subway station he called Danny. “I got the job,” he said into the phone in disbelief. Danny’s reaction only made things better. “Yes!” Followed by a quiet “Sorry excited, my boyfriend got a job, he’s moving here.”

- - -

Christmas in the Patterson house. Every year it was a major production. This year his mother had gone all out. Tom and Danny had taken the train into Boston on Christmas Eve. When they woke up on Christmas Day, this time sharing a room because that’s what couples do, they were greeted by the sound of children laughing followed by their mother’s giddy laughter, mixed with loud jolly Christmas music. Danny and Tom ran toward the melee together. 

It took less than an hour to turn the entire living room into a pile of wrapping paper, sweaters, toys, and tired out parents. Tom and Danny helped Cathy clean up when the kids begged their parents to go outside and play in the snow. 

“Cathy.” Danny stopped and put a hand on her arm. 

“You can still call me mom,” she said with a smile.

“Mom,” Danny amended. “Thank you for taking such good care of me, even though you didn’t have to.”

Her smile remained but was joined by tears. “I have asked myself many times if I would’ve done things differently, had I known he was lying. The answer is no. You will always have a home here Danny.”

“Thank you,” Danny hugged her.

“Take good care of each other. Promise me, and promise me you won’t forget where you came from,” she directed at both he and Tom.

“I promise.” They said as one.

THE END